Identity after Birth

Sometimes I look in the mirror and am confused on who the person is that I see looking back.

I am a mom of three and this still baffles me. I am still working to accept this huge life change. There was a good portion of my 20s where I wasn’t sure if I wanted children at all.

But God has plans for me and has led me to this point in my life. I strongly believe I was meant to be the mother of all my children. That it is my sacred duty to rear them for a purpose that only God knows.

Here are some mantras I use as I stumble through this huge life transition:

I am not alone

For other moms who are struggling with their identity after giving birth, know you are not alone. It is so easy to isolate ourselves to our homes with infants, but it is important to find community through church groups, local mom groups, or other moms on social media.

Drifting apart is okay

Coming into a new stage of life does change a person, so it is okay if you feel like you are not connecting as well with friends or groups you were a part of before birth. It is okay to drift apart as your interests stop aligning.

You can still maintain your friendship by making a point to reach out occasionally to catch up. But you do not need to push yourself to maintain a close relationship if it has become too difficult for you.

I deserve time to focus on myself

It is hard to rediscover ourselves as mothers when we devote all our time and energy into our children and spouses. It is during these times when we focus on ourselves that we can reflect on where we are at in life.

This phase will pass

Lastly, this awkward phase will pass. Over time, and over a slow transition, you will slowly find yourself becoming more comfortable in your new role and in your own skin. The person in the mirror will slowly but surely become more and more familiar until one day, you will glance in the mirror and say “wow, that person is my child(ren)’s mommy. I know her!”